Edge of Great Wall 

as i spoke to my wife today she will be going to Guanzo with i cant remember his name but my wife is indendt say to remember his name, what the fuck was his name? Shivasan, that means we are end of our marrage or affair as i recall this today!!!
the end

life is not easy as we see, its very hard and havey for every one in this plant form the ancient time till today, in the history for our exsistace till today life is missarble to every human been, this trickey little fukcer hasnot every exclude the great worriours of our time or anciant babilone or prahoues or the people who got there revalations from the god on other hand god created us to act this life which he has given us very little chooises at all, we cant see what we wont but we only see what eyes can see i remember this was a song but when i lessent to this song first time this gave me hell a lots of ideas of life and my own death, arround the clock we used to work and live, we are busy living and dieing that the truth, and the only one universal truth, time of my life is running out all the way i’m now fourtyfive with out any hope or dream i was thinking of my past life, where i was tottly brokend and heald by the time, wonderful thing is like the pacific ocen i cant remember much on what happend to my life or whay did i do that or what circumstance made me to that, its preaty hard but one way or other i have to figger it out and moven on in my life to keep my bone to getter.

the major barrour of me was cripted mind of me where i was gone with the wind like a firt all the way to hell or heaven,  all i need is the time, as i say so many of us have sleeping trouble, for me i can sleep many hours as long as i wonted, belive me i can sleep more than thiry six hours with our even a single stoke of nicatine packed ciggaret, ciggaret is one of my life booster and advece thinker i do live to hell the smoke and keep in the lungs much time but i could’t but still i try to do that to go a way of all things in life wherer i can feel much better, when i was little boy with companning with parents, we used to go for tea plantations where my pa worked majority of his life, the first time we are waking in the tea plantain to reach the bus to come back for school, i saw this bus just like 182 fairbank bus but not the same model but interiour was the same, and i was sitting with my father in the last seat, but my sister and ma at another set, my sister having bus sick so she wont accomany with me at all for sightseeing while in the bus, pa was explining every single thing, just in a fraction of time there is some thing crossed my mind, i asked my self what do i realy wonted to do when i became big, notheing but a driver this crossed my mind, same time i ask my self whay do not a doctor or engineer, na i wonted to be a driver then, just to fucking drive that thing in the road, where my teaher told that driver have hand full of lives in his hand while driving, i dont know why still why i thouugh that but foutunatly i didnt became driver or doctoer or engineere, life changed a lot.

when i see the down the memory down the lane, i very well remember the house we live, then changed, againg changed and againg still i can remember the time i spent there with my family that’s why i was still keepin it for my self, you may ask me before i told that i dont remember any thing just like pacific yes these are very collected dreams of my young hood, when it comes to adult i dont have any thing.


china With sabir


hay dude got two of them, well speek english and pretty much to attrac you any way slim and perfact for night out woona see

what do you think

see for your self

let them in

this year was little chilled in Beijing ruther than last visite, nothing has been changed except some builbing, the cold, the wind, colour of the eving hasnt canged much but yes people has changed a lot. before fifteen years i walking with girl on the same road with holding her hand to hand nothing to worry walk, i have see the great wall and the tiarman squre for days and spent the full time in roads and wondering evey thing and taking hell a lots of photoes, where i still see the beauty of my girl, on special one photo i still like alot many nights i have cired eyes out of it.

this Cair

hello how are you doing? dont be worry as we ask you to come to the hotle room and we are not going to harm you or make a porn movie out of you

hello i’m fine, thanks and i’m not afied of you or any thing, this is my countery and i have a black blet in karate so notheing to worry

wow that was pretty good and i can be sure you can take care of me if i’m in trouble

that will depented apone the situaton if i’m not mistaken

well well you speek excellent engllish any way tell me about your self

i’m twentty two, studing in university, arroung beijing, looking for part time job for support my ma and my studies

telll me about your family

live with single mother

any boyfriend

got one long before anyway still trying to find one and the best one with hell a lots of money

your so good at talking i already like you

you dont have to like me unless if you tell what is the job and what i have do

let me ask you this can you write in english

yes ok how about your chinese

that is my native and what to do with this

that’s where my consern is ok, come and have sit

see this you can read this english

yeh sure what i have to do with this? sorry for asking this what ever it is please tell me what is the work and how much you can offer me?

kiddo lessien you job is this you have trancelate this egcakly what ever it is in it, and the most important thing is the meaning is most need, you cant say this and that when you translate in to chinese that where my creaocity is alabout, if your the right persone we will pay you more than you aks for it, and your job will not be traped in the office like moouse but travalling in china for some time, all the expecess paid, if you qualify, however you cant take much time to translate this thing very fast and quickly it that clear?

so you wont me to translate this now

yes that what i was saying didint i?

ok cool

after some time——here it is

ok, come on, see the laptop ok when you click this you will here by english after that you say in chinese this is you last test, if you pass we will be able to pay you five thousand raminbi


the winter is very very romantic in a way for me most of the people heated it, but the air of winter is like heven lavender you cant feel the feeling in any other time of year, the fresh soft snow is just like a falling angel, the wind is the like little daman when you open the eyers, time to time the winter has changling the colour of it own, this time of the year is alwasy happier for me one to die or to live

mate i think she was the right person, she will do the work

i hope too

came on lets cheach some beers

first time when i came to china, i was so happy to see all kind of beers and cheep for it, i remember in the winter of 2008 i was drinking beer all twenty four hours, just eating in street corners of bbq and driking of beer, oh god first hotel where my girl and me went for the first time, the feeling of hungery the feeling of beer still some time suqe my tear out of eyes, after fifteen years of my life i was sitting in the same shop and same table and funny thing is i sitting in the same old table, in the life many things continue to change and with the cercumstance it will change for ever better or wise, wow the colour of the beer bottle hasn’t change a lot still the beer qulatiy is little improved, i love to sllow the every mouthfull of beer with the cooking the table gas cooker food, the food is pure and clean with all the ingrediance with it, it’s heavenly made food, thank god to giving me another chance to letting me to eat this stuf, as per my last experionce in china i gained eighteen kelios for just a less than a month i belive my ma sad one when ever you any where you wont gain any thing because you wonde up with only this born, well my ma was wroge that chiness food had proven it no matter what, how many of us waiting to get to the last limits of life ofcause i’m one of them, god please take me away to hell only in the month of winter where cold beer and food is done. the table cooking stove is getting heat as usuel i satrted to solt the hot water then i drop the the selad in to the boiling hot water then the clean shaved peporoney and the masrooms, the smell and heat of stove is making me a monster, the cold and chilled weather contifiew to flow in the old resturanct, the twenking sign and the big smile of witress make me into the canibalisam world.

walk a down the road little i found this three well drivers who drove a bickel bacily that was made out of bycile weel fit in three while driver paddle through the way i realy didnt like the idea much as my sights were little bloked and my vision to the world of chineses is limited but there time to enjoy the ride and pride as we bone with our respect and dignity, on other hand she love to ride these liftes non of the reason it’s dame cheep comparing to the taxi, that the case it’s cheep i have choosen a very old man for my ride today just seeing in the eyes of this chap i can see how much of need for many is needed in the old day of his life the shevering body and poor eyesight can kill him self, but the motivatin is just like Sir Franklan to find the pole, his price was dame much but still i dont care of it. the passing lucirous cars, the people, buildings, shops, lovers, backpack chinese, ourisits, & whore there is every thing to tell behind there lifes benieth, after the little quiet time with this ride getting little tired and i remember the roads still specialy the singh bord or colour lights hasn’t changed in ages, yalling him to drop behind the one of thoses supermaket. boutht a schoch viskey and hit the road where my love and life is belong for that old season, waithing to make a home run.

pale it’s chilling out here lets get back to hotel my mates voice maka me come back to this world

give a minit shit, you can see the long way over there that is the first night walk for me and gir fuking funny thing is evern the colour lights hasn’t changed a lot and the fases of these people cant imagin what the matter with all stuff around here

your fucking wronge mate, dead wrong you see your self if these chinese or the people who ever hasn’t change what hell your doing here got the poing

yes sir, i do

you see the world in a way the way you loook and fee of the it but reality is not that what we see

well i hope my friend is right in away to tell me but in the full view of the life of chinesse it hasn’t changed much but may be people who i konw might change, might no they changed thats the truth, well i dont know for sure, as we are having only one life to live changing if required that is not big sin to change and be possitive, fuck it!

the night is passing little quiet and carm, happy to be here and found out translator for future needs and the cold beer is always around us with every single bit of cold beer solwoing we craked a jok and talk about our fucking hard time, still its wonderful to have good budy every time arround you where they can put us in behind bar or heaven, night is shutting down it’s clowens and the sun god is coming  to haorizan before we see him get some sleep is very nessassary and we sleepled while the room is hot and full of memories filled with pain and sorrow, is god looking and feeling the same pain and hurt? sure he do no matter what.

six therety in the moring the big bell of town couting the time down, from the bed it wonderful morning, like nothing but brand new day got up and stair throug the window glass the winter has doing it art work every where, far of most of chinesse man woman putting there self to go to work with some noicy surounding, the harmimg sounds of little birds feel like i’m at home mama where is my coffie? wonted to ask any way walk to the water heater keept in table and pore some of water and put the eletric on and came back to same window, that was funny time up the bright sun light is more visible with out secound thught all the man and woman has let of the days work but still the humming birds sing even in the winter, i opend the window and let in the wind to clean up my life of yesterdays, turned and found my pack of double happinas ciggrate, drove stick and lite it for me with a wish for every one today all chiness should me more happier then ever, blow the smoke to fill my longly lungs to inheal the power of smoke and let it go every slowley, this is very asome feeling what so ever in the world of us, the wind inforont of me blowing colder and ciggrat smoke is geeting coloured of it, what a wonderful world. coffie man drink it my pale sad and came next to me with holding a cold beer in his hand, i can see in his eyes he is happy to see the morning glory of the world evern though the pain and the hardship in under the down heart.

the empoty of my hole life is worth nothing not even a single pany or cents, like youngtime learnt to live with the empty life with happy or not, even thought i live it there are some time i cant even find it for my self, the bond we trapped in it or the four wall of prison life is every improtant when you wonted to do something out of it but not easy to come out of the four walls or the braking the bariiour it s hard as hell and dark of mankind wheather we created it or my curcumstance it created but when you wont to brake it that is the moment if turth and the moment of your life to come out and experice it, just like a death sentace convited to walk to the gas chanmber or electerical chair or walking down the hanging tree, must tast the way and the fell the full leanth of time that is the most important of all, out belife and willing ness some time come so fast and fact when we see the fact what we are going to face, but face it is the most of the hard of it middle of night we feel going to escape it with or with our any cost but i have gone with the some runnaway escaps alot but this time i dont wont to do that we i have commited and done with it, life is fucked all the time when we feel the same old shit again. i’m ant in a persion to escape it that is the truth of life, and i’m in a possition of finding the truth for my self and see the luck and feel what they have felt whlile i was out of pictuer for fifteen years of there life, it may be hard and pain but have to go throught with it come out clean, i have left some years to live only so i have see the what is my girl is up to.

are we done sabir

yah and girl is here with her parents hope wona talk to you

for what

hell know


came on may be they wonted to hand over to you her and say good buy

fuck off shit head i’m done with one not going to take a another change for one more

i think then wonted to say something let get through with this

i wont and cant bitch you handle this time

they insiste they wonted to see you

fuck hell, where the hell are they

just out side at the reception, see you there, did you pack all the stuff

yah hope so just give acheck again, fuck dont forget to pack the beers

hell with you refai i drank all the shit this morning

you did shit with out any food for breed

fuck out and shot the matte mate before she leave the hotel

fuck is that serious

see for your self

hell wornge

hello c and how are you doing

thanks i’m fine and this is my parents and they wonted to meet you

oh that was so nice, any way gald to meet you

they are saying there are happy to meet you too

hay c is evey thing ok, is there any problem or some thing

oh no this is first time i was doing this job with a forinor like this translator job so they wonted to know who you are how you look like you know parents short of thing

ok i undestand and tell you parents that i wont do any harm and your just like my daughter and your will be treated as like that, notheing to worry or any thing, give my mobile number they contact any time,i sure your haveing a phone to right

i do have to

hay Ms.C can you ask the reception for bill so we can leave.


wait c tell you parents dont worry about any thing and you will back by one week or so and ask then they had some thing for breakfast and dont forget to get the trian ticket from reciption which i have orded form the time of arrival and that whould be three tickets.

i dont forget the tickets and they didnt had any thing yet but after they will have it

no tell them to wait for sometime, we will have the brakefast togatter

no no that is not nessassary

no tell them please

ok sir

dont call me sir, you can call me refai


table chat with c family


my father is asking what your going to do here

tell that i’m going to see some places so i need some one to translate the lanugage and if any bad person wonn a steel some thing or money so i need a protection that is why your hired

ah ok but they wonted to know what exachly doing to see

yah that was little hard to tell but i can sure i’m not gona kill some one or do bad

still they are not satifiyed with the answe

ok god tell them i’m going to see my old family and i lost every one long before so that why these setup, i do hope this will stify them

yha there are satifiyed with it any way just i wonted to know do you have afmily here

what do you thing shouldn’t i have so

no just asking

you will come to know by far


the little embersing talk with her family make me little upset but that was undstandble and we reached the Beijing railway station for ones again in my life time, the wast and spaciess place reminded me how do i really missed it some how, the same old building still waving the goodluck to the nation and being the stonge landmark of china as well as memory too it is where i met her secound sister and brothers son that was the moment of my life i have seen some out of family as sister in law but i dont konow that what she felt about me the pretty smile is always remember for my life time buy the time she was widow, and looking for something special in her life, i remember the firt time she brought me some havey jacket and kit for protecting me from the cold of january, that was the time of noon and the sun was powerless and can’t do much more verse that can do in the summer. vast of all the time i spent with my girl i wont forget, that was the only one ture love of my life and the end of the enduring for love and the starting of new error of me.

we sad good buy for the c parents and get in too the station, i saw the first time in my life the station moved littel high tech as we callede thoses days, looking the way before fifteen yers there many things has changed in the human life and excistace and the machinary of the time, we entered in the waiting room and suddenly sabir knew the train time to arrive more than three hours erlier came with a complain, i told him self theses are best years of my life and i wonted to feel the what i have lost in the time for ever, where i dont have much time to do the mistake again and i will not come back angain to fee the same again this is last opperchinyt of my life and last one where i wonted to fell the fullness and the current emtyness of my life.

just open the yangin beer for me and sat confortabley in arm chari looked arround the room for the people who spent most of the travel time the arm chair is little confortable and the mirror shine tea able and some kids playing arround hide and seek, the celling is cool and very good summer time rembering colour is still up to date form the long distace i can see the trains of bullet is justing moving the gurds there are still pretty much same unform as per my memnory down the line, i hope now thoses gurds will talk engllish reuther than saying sorry i cant speek english, any way nothing wrong with that if you dont know the langualge where you visiting, where longe time ago that awas the same case but one occation i dont know where to smoke and my girl has just left with son and me left alone with ying and i told her by sing that i wonted to smoke she said one word that ok then i say a open door and one old chinese is smoking a ciggate out of that door and i mooved toward that and lite the cigarte and drank the yangin beer on other hand some while later i hard the door was clossing behind me and suddely i came towards the door and saw that door was clossed and i knok it and this lady guard came and ask me what, i sad i was sitting inside the waiting room and came out for smoke and plese let me in i have to go there, with out any hasitaion she opend the door and let me in on the other hand i got my ciggaret, she told me very clear english your not allowed to smoke in the waiting room then i feel that first time wow some one inthe staion who works as gurd undestand english wow that was nearly fifteen years ago,

hay c do you think these gurds can talk english

some time they will mostly we had our operning in the olimpic in 2008 buy the time most of the pople learnd some english to accormodate the tourist, i hope they will do

these are the major thing as we think if some talk english, truth is i was married and lived with my wife only eight month of my life and i didnt learnt to speek chinese for one other reasons, being hornest to you the worlds wont suck in my mind and i can read that so i give up long time before and now encorrage most of the chineses to learn english that was the easy cast to tread and dominate the other doen’t it? time in the waiting room is passing little easy than outer and i have now finished the five beers and wona go for lou, even the lue is moficated in the reasont years but the ciggaret small is still arround therer, i have smoked in the lue after the incident in the waithing room, even i have to try this time too so i have lite a ciggaret and feel the power of the ciggaret in me what i really huit is the lue in the public place where there in long deep half cut tube type drain and  just wide the legs and drop the shit then dropping will remain and after five mints later a water will flow form corner and wipe down the hole tube you can see what the forn or even before guy’s droping that was the very bad and nastiyest thing i saw in my life after that i avoding the public bathrooms, but i manage to not to enter the lue and out side i mange to smoke the ciggare and i was serching for my name in the wall where i have written my name but that was gone long with new painting i hope because there nobody miss me in this life so l left the lue and saw the sabir and c was chatting some thing and eating some ice creams, i remeber that the baba was fallen in the dame floor there wherer sabir and c sitting there he was carring the ice cream and i took my camare to take a shot of him self and my wife was tellling baba to turn to my side and he did but lost balnce and fell, he didnt cried or screem maybe i’m arround him as new aliean but the baba was really good kid by the time wonder what is he doing now and how the hell will he look like and will he remember me? god knows!

i hurd the first call for the Maihaco train after two and half hours of waiting, where sabir is little happy to settle in the train, the door is opend and gurnd stood by there and asked us the ticket and we move towared the train, these days train is relly a bullot but i have choosen a slow train to see the tinghs what i missed in my life but the colour is remain same and the platform is very clean and some of bbq sellers we out there but with proper unform, clean and didy while sabir and c going toward the train i walk in the bbq seller and bought some beef, i can see the c was staring at me like what the hell is wrong with me, but i know this will be the last chance experice the all kind of staff in china as my last visit to this big countery where i dont wont leave any thing with out experiseing it, i was eating it moving to the train and both of them are waiting in the compartment door and we settled in the train, i got my cabin not with other two tickect just like last time same thing when with my wife and sister in law but that time we adject with one couple me and wife gone up in the cabin but ying took my ticket and leave for another cabin, that was a favor for me but this time c was insisting me to stay with sabir but i sad no this time i have to live with what i have no compermisations what so ever, in a awy that made me powerless but got to move on what we have rutherthan complining about it.

in the time when i first traveled to Maihaco i remenber the every detail of the train the color of the flour courput the wooden doors of the cabin, window of cabin the uper compartment and the matress fell like and the pillow is soft and feeing to sleep and the hard time with laggage to fix it the upper laggauge shelf there are things i still see inside the train, after fifteen mints later train about to move inthe rails where my life’s last episode is about to come truth or finding it in a hard way but in a way i didnt stude for the result i’m finding it for my soul happyness, now every mile this train cover i’ll be clossing to my end of the story just like the end of great wall of all time, i hope to find the answers so here thses rails and mind will carry me there to find my own and i hope i will put my bone and self togatter to face anythig apperiers there in the Home of Maihaco. yah i love the place Maihaco.

belive this not evey journy has story weather that is train, bus or flight what so ever it has the story to tell, i have another one day to spent only in this cabin full of starngers, where even if i smill they dont care to smile back those are the realy people they are having the some story to unforld there story so what is prupose to smile back to me what ever the reason what so ever, true no need of it every body got a story so there soul only know how hard for them, i read this aritical wile back that sad every face of this earth have a tragaagy or hurt ever one is finding the way out, that is the reason of all time, true then only they can think about the god, the need of god is when we are suffering with the pain so god got a reason to pay him and priease him anyway that is my case too.


back bone story


i meat this girl in the winter of 2007 that awas accacly beging of the winter, winter is alwasy the the best season for me because i meat this girl, by the time i was working full time back in Dubai, having hand some of money every month so every day after the work i spent my eveing in the bars having hell a lots of fun with beers, fullfoge or tiquila or longisland. with limited amount of firends, first of all i dont have any intenton to go for club or dansing what so ever but in the last winter of 2006 sabir has come with lots of trouble form home to Dubai for looking for some kind of live saving job operchinity but Dubai is failed to accormodate him self for single job where he intented to work as jentore to little salary as any, but failer was the god disition for him, i have tryied many for him didnt work that much however he was here in dubai for more than six month, and he used to wait in the park for me to come after work for having some fun, we used to wait out side of al gurair center and tallk about every short of thing, some time i have seen him criying in the same place, beside we sit there there is mcdonadels fastfood outlaet where we used to have some coffie and tea, before he come to dubai that was the best spot for me, i only shoed him this presses thing if you visite some time in your life dubai you will see the road called riggah road very famous for prositiue and fun girls so that was the best spot for free boobs and bitches to sightseeing by that time in the macdonalds i have flickring with two sri lanken girls where my intention was to have to have friendly girl firend some short of thing so that time i was working for it then only he was joing with me, some time he told be hay man if i find a job i wil take  you to good bar for some fun, then i sad him come on i’m not addicted to alcohole any way if i feel bad i used to go for one little pub that is arround clock tower wona see, he was terrible need of drink and dont have enjouf of if and sad ok, so i took him to the nihal hotel outer bar and started to having some beers and talk crpe out of it like wise we pass the time and months, one time he told me that come on we will go for sri lankan bar, they have one beer that was so good so whay dont we try that so we went on one time i loved it after all that beer is called lion laguer, that moment i didnt think i was going to be addicted for alcohole or whatso ever, time passess we used to go there every day some time with out his knowlege i used to go there too, however his visa going to expairs soon so we went one more last time to say goodbuy and came back, i promissed him that i will not go there again, after  he left i wosnt goning for week or so but immedietly i was going ever day that was the way i spent my life in dubai, i can call it dubai evening days.

time passes one time in the 2007 begging if winter i was in burduabi, i saw this chiness girl with two of there firends waking in the streets then i approch them but it didnt work out good but this girl was looking so great and loving i fall in love with her first sight by the time i never know she will be wife of ever.

so every day after work i used to meet her at her home some time we used to have dinner with her friends but some kind of attarction keept me meeting her and willing to marriy her rest of my life, first i asked her will you marry me, she didnt bother to tell me that for me no, but at last she agreed to marry me and i told her i will inform my family i’ll make sure every thing will me done form my side and ask her how about her family she told me just ok dont worry and i have told my family and they wonted to have see you there thats all, i asked here what if they sad no to marry me she told me i’m going to marry me your not going to marry my family, after i get the green signel from my family i told the happy news, so we have starteed to plan the rest of our life.

in the year 2008 we have planned to visit china in the winter as my interest and the love of snow where my child hood awsome feeling about the winter couse i have tought in the hell is like cold and every body eles hurted it much so what ever evey one hurt that much i have to love, so got my visa to china in chinese embassy in dubai and ready to leave china where big land and great wall, as from young hood i was a dreamcatucher and dream liver so i have to plan this very cairfully and get the best out of it, form the cloth to bug i have planded and waiting to the day to arrive to take me to china.


the train is making me lots of thinks to remember me mostly i have forgotten it, now i reallyed how much i forgotten the past that will cost me much of my life, life is full and filled with misterys that may me nightmair and funny fucuking felling however much of it will be worse or good donest matter but when you really forgot something that really matter in you life you feel how much you fucked up! there are some thing we have to forget and live on some thing we will forget but when you ralized why did you forget is matter at all that is the case for me, how the fuck i gave up my wife and the happy life ahead of me, yeh i was thinking about the past now i cant make it right what ever gone wrone even we cant tack back the time and things we missed yesterday can we? lost is lost but fuck when remember the tings and when you cant realized why did you do that and that was the fuck of all time, but when you remember that then you realized all thoses years i have missed much of life, there is no richness in the life or living the only thing is left is the finding the death for any cost, all the tv and radio or midia will not show the this, must fee the pain and vain in the heart, when i see the picture that was pretty beautifu evern thoue picuter captued the criying or dieying people in it but how the hard to person who feel it reuther than person who seeing it, it doesn’t make seses at all because we live in the world of shit hole, kind of anger in my self poring out now, i was cool and carm man all the time, now i was old and freeking out for death, should i be going and seeing my wife who she is living whith some one eles, fuck, got what the fuck to do God

10:53 22/11/2008

life is a fairertail world for person the free of money but for others its not, dame its not, the word only mean to us when we are in the young or sponge age but after that it wans’t, only its contain horror of the life and pain, even i could say the world to you just to keep a good intention in your mind but i wont the truth is horrifily and pain of altime, wonder from my young hood to this day how may fucking dreams i have believed but non of that came to me a geneoun shit, it’s all with dark and gray colour with or with out excistance of so called god, i can see the frozen snow and fresh snow falling from the ruthless basted of sky to the earth from my window, all the buildings gone and only remail is some harsh land of mountans and havestting land with full of white goust of today, so far i haven’t seen any human being sitting in the corner of this land or any othere side of that, all emptey i can see, i can smell, just like my life of me and just like the way the god put my on trail, all i can encounter only the emptyness. we are less travelled in the road or sea that’s the truth thats why every one running behind the same old things over and over again with out any hasitation we used to do the same old thing again in our life, but for me i have disssided some thing not to do the same thing again  or over angain i’m fuking tired of it, cant make any progress of it, cant make the shit out of it what so ever reason, but soon or later i will feguir it out anyhow. for the first time after we getting borde in the train come to a compleat stop, i didnt notice i didnt smoke or drink any beer for long while, station filled with small mongolion type people and running behind the train, all of them were covered with full equiped cloths and kids are still warming up while playing in the outer, the snow seems to be endles like the basted of the sea and punching the hard it of the history, as i came to the china first time i heard form ccty 9 that taht was the year of snow fall recorded inthe history of chimese, i know whay was that what will be the conciquiness, this time it will be more than that and this season will take more live than any other, but yet to we have to find the life and death of our own, true but god has created the trap to get couthe in it so do we!

sabir coming

c coming for chat

smoking and drinking beer

life is always enjoyable with friensds and beers that is what i learned form my lonly mind and soule, if you agree so that is only one thing make soul as free nothing cant be compair to it, turf life is getting little easyer for the colouring the lungs for free even though it sad that main cause foe lung cancer or what ever it is, nothings matter for only life we have for only one life time, got live the dreams the way it is with or without the fourtune, that is freeman called that dreams of celicity mind and the free from us with the hells wonted list. the vagone that moves with the rails started again to moves with little creapy noice the snow is showing it demand and the damons nightmair, i can see the forzen glass out of my lounge, i can hardly right the name of mine ones again just like the schools days of mine, things gona move fast and furious like the way it meant, wonder how many time that i have written my name and school sweet hearts name is the trees what ever things which peple cant see, why the hell that i have done by the that time wonder why, still dont understand much about aduelthood or childhood, evert things seems to me ununsel but when some one sees that they might call that eventuel, true god only now how much i dont know stil, the death or what ever, buy the way i can see the huge woods beside the rail truks coloured with drak gray enjoying with the everning sun go down of the china where we are crossing the time and pressent to find the lost past.

we grow and chop the dreams and i’m one of those people and i have done many times but this will be end of that subject after this, never late to learn that what my ma sayed to me long time befour that was the truth i hope that she has learned many thing and she might be learning some thing, a hope, the night has come and the darkness of the hell is covered almost every thing wonder how many soul may going up to god to meet there judument, when the day will come for me to do that, god pleae i wont ask you any thing eles in my life time dont take back my soul now, give me one last chance to remember my loved wife and her lost ark of nohe, that is my only one last wish for the god of mine who exsiste beyound our world and imagination,  need a cup of coffie and smoke, so got out of the cabin where i nap and walk to the sabir’s cabine, opend the cabine door and realized that sabir and c was fast to sleep, thingking that both had sex in the lue or what, never mind closed the door and walk to the resturant launge, sitted in the corrner of the launge dont realized the waitres was there to take my order,

black coffie please

i thought the first time with my girl when i got inthe train i never come to the launge for coffie or anything, yah i was right, i didnt come here, this is the first time coming how that would have taken me, longe engoufe for babyu to born and trying chassing girls, that wasnt sin or anything, the real reason behind that is if i asked her a coffie or tea she might have make and give it to me in a minite that was the case, and she carry all the household itemes need, and she was the good planer, i dont dought that, but some time what we planned will go wrone and some time the big one will dessapir with out any trace, yah her plan was to live with me but it didnt make it, coffice just arrived in my table and saw this waitress who carried to, she was nearrly therity five or less, she looks very pretty, her body is very well maitained and boobs are wonderfuly carved by god, that was sure, staring is not good thing specialy when its come to the boobs, so just ziped the coffie, it tasted like the coffie in the china, suger wasnt enogufe for me so i taken two more packest and opend them up and add it to the coffice and drank it, that was the taste of coffie, how many times i drink coffie, how many time beer god know it, well what i’m going to achive form it, a pice of mind nothing much,

sabir came and pulled a chair beside me and sat with me, and souted for a cofffice and poluted the inviroment there, one corner a chinese lady was reading her navol and next to me young chap was reading a news papper and some fellow over the corrner just turned there head and mind to sabir and stair him for some time,

hay man i just wonted a coffie and called little up that all, see the fuck those basteds are looking at me, fucking chinese

yah yah man didn you got any sleep

not just tryed but couldent

how about you little man

tired of sleeping, i guess

yah you will sleep the rest of your life, see very soon man

i guess so

============05:17 19/11/2008

thank for the 5 month take careing me with sister ying or the cloth she bought for me/ and the luxciarious life / hand bag to carry laptop / about my old laptop / ying police cutody / fights with her / calculate the fights with her every day / cookery items / about her new home / traditional chinese medicine / cd she bought for me the prisen brake /



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